A Word of Warning!

Citizens caught engaging in "horror-terror" activities will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law.

Light News for Your Monday

An offer for free piano lessons was posted to the town hall corkboard by person unknown. It does not list a telephone number. Leave your information with Judy at the front desk and you will be contacted if the mystery poster makes a return.

Meanwhile, Animal Control asks that those who reside south of Filch Creek be on the lookout for hogs what got loose overnight.

Thank you.

Flesh of YOUR Flesh! Bone of YOUR Bones!

In Waffle Town you can share! You can share everything, even your body, even your thoughts, even your memories! There is no difference between one Waffle Town citizen and the other! Not in spirit, not in body!

No Funny Business, No Foolin'

Reports of tractors running well on into the night "of their own accord" can now be explained by way of meteorological phenomena. Scientists from the Institute spoke with local landowners and laid out in great detail why things that seem as though they should not be in fact are, and the landowners are said to be satisfied with what they were told.

This reporter's opinion? That's great!