31 July 2016

Mavis is Missing

Police, medical personnel, and concerned citizens continue their search for Aunt Mavis, who disappeared from the retirement home last night around dinnertime. According to her roommate, she intended to go into the woods "to meet the man", though her moderate dementia and the fact that the Man of the Woods has not been seen in decades makes this unlikely. If you have any knowledge of Aunt Mavis's whereabouts, or simply want to help, please contact the Sheriff's Department.

18 July 2016

Your Voyage to the Tented Bath

Before departing for the Tented Bath, make sure you've packed your towel, a change of clothes, cleated footwear, a handkerchief, a pair of goggles, lip balm, and your passport. Crantz will pick you up from the station at about six. Six, six-ten.

Don't be late! Else Crantz will become enraged, and the tremors will begin.

13 July 2016

Around Town with Phil Kreame

THANKS AGAIN to Waffle Town's own Ailteira Chikynbeest for her rousing weekend performance of "Sailor Gomez" at last weekend's Big Weekend Goodtime Festival, and thanks to all who could attend and also those who meant to attend but were busy fishing.

Goodness, it's almost that time of year again: paint your wagons! Wagonfest, formerly Wagons-a-Go-Go, has been canceled due to lack of interest, but I'd sure appreciate it if you'd paint your wagons regardless.

Where's your hat? With the sun so bright and oppressive, not wearing a hat is downright foolish. How are you going to protect your head? Don't you know what you keep in your head, and how important it is? Do you want them to be able to see inside your head, with the bright light of the sun shining down on it?

Crime: who's committing it in Waffle Town? Silly Hank, a youth whose "footpath follies" gave many parkgoers a scare and earned him innumerable slaps, has been rightfully caned. Will he recover? The word on the street is: Who Cares?

Until next week,
Phil Kreame, DDS

Editor's Note: Around Town with Phil Kreame has been discontinued. Services for Mr. Kreame will be held this Friday at the First Church of Our Special Favorite.

05 July 2016

Special Announcement

The mayor's office wishes to remind you that in the fight against the Idolater, all means are justified.

01 July 2016

Welcome to Waffle Town, Welcome to Waffle Town

Welcome to Waffle Town. We're going to kill your dog.