30 June 2017

The Train Has Left the Station

Rudegeair's Rootin' Tootin' Rideable Railroad, the novelty miniature train maintained by Old Mr. Rudegeair of the Gumper Junction Rudegeairs, will cease operations today after fifty-odd years of entertaining the youth of Waffle Town. Said the proprietor, "In the twilight of my life I find myself without direction or purpose, and to continue operating a small electric train would be a shameful hypocrisy." We can only agree, and wish Old Mr. Rudegeair the best of luck on his next journey.

28 June 2017

Public Notice from Dr. Crampton, the Animal Surgeon

Come on and take these containers away, boy. I've got too much horse poison.

23 June 2017

Roaring Fire a Roaring Success

Despite a sweltering evening heat, the crowds were happy to come out for the annual bonfire last night. Providing this year's Honored Kindling was the sty in which prize hog Beryl farrowed her litter of future ribbon-earners. The festivities even drew visitors from out of town: a resident of Blueberry Stockdale confided that Waffle Town "sure knows how to burn things." Blueberry Stockdale, wonderful Blueberry Stockdale. Miles away, but its shadow is very long. How it seems to hover above its fellows, contented and serene, like the wise man on the mountaintop. How the very earth beneath our feet seems to bear our resentment. The fruit of the vine is bitter with it. The crops are deformed by it. Why, it's enough to drive a person mad.

17 June 2017

In the Interest of Safety

Representatives from the Institute suggest that all county residents should be aware of unnatural voids. While they insist that there is no cause for alarm, it is in the interest of personal and public safety that all residents are able to distinguish between natural and unnatural voids, and that any unnatural voids be reported to the Institute immediately upon discovery.

09 June 2017

Info on the Go: Your Weekly News Minute

  • With cattle prices holding steady, farmers in the county's ever-troubled Small Toad Valley region may yet escape another season of privation and fruitless travail. 
  • In related news, cattle are illegal in Glum Gulch, and Ed's Bob now. 
  • Inclement weather prevented another company picnic in Waffle Town's Potswell Park; the gathering was relocated to the local bowling alley, with few injuries. 
  • "Ding, Dong," goes the new bell adorning Gentleman Gomez, the famous bell tower, and complaints about the volume are already pouring in.
  • Hungry for life but hungrier for food, the county's homeless flocked to a "free pancake breakfast" where they were successfully rounded up for expulsion. 

02 June 2017

Cheese, Please: A Treat for Town Tastebuds

Cheese-tasting: urbane, sophisticated, even European. But does it belong in Waffle Town? Yes, says local grocer Mary-Betsy Hoof.

Ms. Hoof, eighteen years a resident and twice a widow, plans to bring a touch of that worldliness, that je ne sais quoi* to her adopted hometown with a two-day cheese-tasting at the market, beginning this weekend. Eastman's Cheddar, Brownstone Brick, Zest of Marigold, and many other enchanting cheeses will be on offer. Don't be a stranger; Come on down!

*French

01 June 2017