Brutes Not Beyond Saving, Say Docs

Hospital staff are pleased to announce that the family of nameless mountain-dwellers who arrived in town last month have successfully acclimatized to Waffle Town's elevation. They will eventually be installed in groundskeeping positions and are expected to travel the county for education and entertainment purposes as soon as they can be taught human speech.

New Light, Real Bright, That's Right

The new streetlamp—and she's a beaut'—has been installed on the corner of Huckafelt and Yam, casting a soothing light on what had recently become a popular location for unseemly nighttime business. Right-thinking persons will no longer have anything to fear, and Mr. Crannaday expects to resume his storied night-jaunts immediately.

Sez Payton Suggs, chairman of Police, Inc. (Not affiliated with the County Police or local Sheriff's Dept.): "Crime is down in Cruncher Hill, but not in Waffle Town." That's as may be, but we think this streetlamp will change things in our favor.