Don't Feed Those Ducks, Say Animal Experts

Thinking about going down to the duck pond and feeding bread to the friendly waterfowl? Think again, say local ornithologists. Whole wheat bread, as well as its popular cousin whole grain bread, are as good as poisonous to all but one species of duck†, and any well-meaning animal lovers would do well to keep them in the breadboxes†† on their kitchen counters, where they belong.


†Stanton's brave mallard, not endemic to the area.
††Available for purchase at Progm* & Sons Housewares


*Pronounced "Prome"

Opinion: Let's Move Past Petty Politics

It's been interesting to see, with increasing frequency these past weeks, certain residents of our town voicing their unfavorable opinions about a certain other resident. I think you'll all know the parties to whom I'm referring.

Sure, it'd be easy to say, "That's just the way it is!" or, "Well, what can you do?" To that attitude, all I can muster for a response is this: Oh, brother. 

And yes, that pun is intended.

What has happened to that old Waffle Town spirit? Are we really going to let something like this lead us to bickering like washerwomen, grumbling under our breath, looking over our shoulder every time we think we hear footsteps? Is it really true that there "isn't any reason" to do "the things that need to be done," as certain people suggested at last night's town council meeting? 

My grandfather, may he rest in peace, used to have a saying: If there ain't no water in the well, you drink from the creek. Fellow citizens of Waffle Town, I hope you'll join me down at the creek. Drinks are on me.

This week's opinion was submitted by Abner Pulskin, of Pulskin All-County Realty.

Important Update Regarding the Future of Waffle Town

Patsy Craven, owner of Goodtime Farmer's Market, confirmed today that the market will no longer be carrying Aunt Hester's Lemon Snacks. Any Waffle Town residents looking for the popular treat will have to visit Old Governor's Homemade Eats, located just outside of Borough Acres.