Acres Farms Acquires Old Mill

Multistate agricultural concern Acres Farms has agreed to purchase the historic "Old Mill" at Catchapenny Creek for an undisclosed sum. The sale of the mill has been a hotly-debated subject at town meetings for the past month, with Waffle Town Historical Society president Vivian Henshaw calling it an "affront", an "outrage", an "enormity", and, occasionally, a "sin".

Over the past year, Acres Farms has purchased nearly five square miles of arable land in areas all over the county, as well as six factories, two cabins, and a pioneer cemetery. In a press release, the county treasurer's office once again assured the public that these sales are necessary to balance the budget. The mayor's office declined to make an official comment, only insisting that people "calm down."

The Night Times

Hello and good evening. We have been authorized to interrupt your normal nightly routine for an important bulletin: corn patties will be free at Hucker's tomorrow.

Don't Burn It Without a Permit

Starting a trash fire this weekend? That's perfectly fine - assuming you have a permit!

You'll need a trash-burning permit to dispose of your refuse in this manner, for which you can find applications at town hall every day of the week. If you don't have a permit, you're going to have to send your trash off to the dump like the rest of us. It's the law!

The Hum

It appears that the confused residents of Oakerton Street finally have an explanation for the "low and mysterious hum" they've reported hearing at all hours of the day since early January. A team of researchers from the Institute spent the past week investigating the source of the strange noise and are confident in their conclusion that there is, in fact, no noise at all. "Our instruments are calibrated to the most exacting tolerances," said a representative, "and they detected nothing out of the ordinary."

The Institute is hopeful that the residents of Oakerton Street will find this conclusion satisfactory.