Your Week in Brief

• That crack in the sidewalk isn't going to fix itself! The mayor's office is still asking for volunteers to fix the broken walkway in front of Town Hall, since the only available construction crew "didn't feel like it."
• Precious Goblin, the unfortunately-named youngster who stole the town's heart at this summer's talent show, was detained for making sandwiches without a license.
• Paradoxical as it may seem, you have entered into a realm that lies beyond the grasp of the Creator.
• In a first for Waffle Town, resident Wilma Chadberry became the proud mother of quadruplets. She's expecting to keep all four.
• Brrr! It sure was cold today—so cold, in fact, that the polar bears at the zoo stopped begging to be killed.