19 January 2019

So Much Talk About the Moose Lately

According to Animal Control, and we're talking about Darryl from Animal Control, Darryl with the hair, and anyway—listen, the thing is, Darryl's been talking up this moose, and on and on, and at this point? At this point, I figure, who cares? It's a moose. It's big, sure. Sure, it's big. And did it come from the zoo? Somebody's collection? You know they got those, those big city fellers with those private, what are they called, private zoos is the term I'm [We can't print this. Who sent this in? Cut it. -- Ed.]

15 January 2019

In Order to Move to Waffle Town

In order to move to Waffle Town you must have long legs and long, strong arms. You must have long limbs, long ones. There is nothing to be done with the insufficient of limb.

11 January 2019

Your Beef Minute

Beef production was up this week thanks to eager staff at Pravis Farm, who rely on quality quick-cutting machetes made right here in Waffle Town, by my husband. Thank you for stopping by to get up to speed with this week's Beef Minute.

07 January 2019

Clarification

The "headless dog" mentioned in this week's Waffle Town Bee ("Hi-Jinks Ensue at Preacher Crockton's", p. 14) was a dog that had been decapitated, not a dog composed of two back ends.

04 January 2019

Homemade Lipstick Popular in Waffle Town

Made from "good" and "non-toxic" ingredients, Miss Winifred Cannon's pocket-tubes of homemade lipstick have garnered great attention since appearing on market shelves this week. Market manager Randall Goodcrooks claims to have already sold "severals" of the hand-crafted cosmetic, and is already preparing to place a second order—an "admittedly laborious" process. Will this surge in popularity send Miss Cannon's creation to the big city? Only time will tell.

01 January 2019

Garbage Pickup Delayed This Week

Garbage pickup has been rescheduled for Friday on account of the inclement weather what has visited us in these last, these miserable few days. Direct grievances and jeremiads to B. Gomez, Town Hall, extension 12.