Folk'll Talk: Sunday Edition

"Dogs shouldn't have last names. They haven't earned that right." - Minnie Hudgkins, age 12

"A war will be fought in the sky, but not by men." - Abel Cloney, local favorite

"Farmer Mabel's maple syrup is so good, she oughta be called Farmer Maple!" - Pansy McDonagh, baker

"I will keep them in a 'people zoo'. They will please me by just being." - Vagrant, unnamed

Special Announcement

The mayor's office would like to remind everyone that neither money nor love will save you from the next world or follow you into it.

from: Olli Lancoste
to: quincy.waffle@waffleheritage.gov
date: Tue, May 20, 2008 at 12:39 PM
subject: RE: blank files??
mailed-by: crm82.pdososrv.net

Dave,

Until you decalcify tubes four and five, you're going to keep getting the same results. There's no way to bring this thing back - or forward - when impurities are keeping it in a single stream. Stream 4238.B Morrison (confirmed 2019) has been reached twice. 4821.B Morrison (2004?) is giving us a weak signal. Can you have Viv take a look?

One more thing: we found traces of winsome violet outside of Ferry's Farm, which means town square wasn't the only site of overlap. We don't know which stream it came from, but as long as it wasn't Precambrian we'll be fine, right?

The Pain Van: Coming to Cure "What Ails Ya"

If you're a Waffle Town resident who experiences severe leg or back pain, you're in luck! Today at noon, the famous Pain Van will be making its bi-annual trip to Waffle Town. Just ring your dinner bell as the van approaches and remain seated as the certified painfellows give you a thorough once-over.

Note: Do not eat or drink anything in the hour before receiving your pain relief.

Today's Weather

Like a hammer to a nail, rain continues to hammer down on Waffle Town with unrelentingness, resembling a portrait someone would paint of a rainy village. Rain is good for crops, sure, if they're wanting to grow, but it's also bad for people. Because it gets 'em wet, and they don't like it. If there's gonna be rain, I think it should be on a hot day, so we can cool off!

Thanks, and this was the weather report from Tommy, age of thirteen.

Free Eye Exams

Great news for Waffle Town's rheumiest: Ethel Gardenia is back to offering free eye exams. While unable to give out prescriptions, Ms. Gardenia is ready to offer close approximations and general advice. Knock on the back door of her house between noon and sundown for an appointment.

Town Council Approves Construction of New Ziggurat

Foundation to be laid this fall. Hail, hail.

Wanna Stay? Gotta Pay!

Visitors to Waffle Town, take heart! Get off of that "friend's couch", that "park bench"! The "hotel" is open!

That's right: the Cranchmire Hotel (formerly Cranchmire & Sons Funeral Home) is officially welcoming guests, starting tomorrow!

Proprietor Marcie Groosevelt insists upon payment before allowing guests to take accommodations, so have that purse or wallet at the ready. As for pets? Forget about it, says Groosevelt, who loathes them and wishes sickness and pain upon them. Attempt to change her mind on the matter? Enjoy your night out on the curb, buster, because the only "turndown service" you can expect at the Cranchmire is being "turned down" when asking for a room!

Just in from the Mayor's Office

For the crime of imitating humans (who were formed in His image), all "talking" birds will be destroyed.

Culinary Trend Comes to Waffle Town

"Pizza", a food popular with young persons and made with three ingredients, will be more readily available in Waffle Town this summer. It seems that a pair of colorful out-of-towners have recently purchased the old hog shack and plan to have it turned into a "pizza restaurant" come June. Glenn over at Town Hall is considering updating the town map, but "probably won't."