Let's Eat Out

This weekend, Doris "Cathy" Gamper had the honor of being the first Waffle Town resident to dine at Chateau Framboise, the new French restaurant in Cruncher Hill. She describes her experience as "nice" and assures us that the food was "good," the wine was "good," the décor was "interesting," the service was "really nice," and the atmosphere was "interesting." Be sure to look for Ms. Gamper's full review in tomorrow's edition of The Waffle Town Bee.

Cat Parade Canceled

Today's cat parade is canceled on account of not enough cats.

Happy Heads in Waffle Town

Wendell Jinger - not Wendell Jinger, Sr., so don't worry - is offering haircuts on the corner of Maple & Eisenstein all day today, right out there in front of the Jinger newsstand. Get your hair cut out in the sun for the price of $10 (boys), $12 (girls), $20 (men), no women (no women), $18 (livestock), or free (clergy). Get out there in the beautiful sun, get a haircut. Get yourself a paper when you're done, and God bless you. (Wendell Jinger wrote this.)

Hold On, Hammy

Message to Hammy: Don't put up those new "Welcome to Waffle Town" signs 'til next Friday at the earliest. We wanna keep out the riff-raff for a few more days. Thanks.

- Management

Uplifting News to Fill the Pews

- The shelter is overflowing with puppies, and has decided to give back to the community by giving some away. Come on over and get a free puppy tomorrow; no limit per customer!

- Fences are finally coming down at Old Man Willeford's "Hoppin' Horse" Ranch. The horses are gone, but you can walk on the grass.

- Betty Ann dropped her glasses in the pond. Her boyfriend joked that he saw a fish wearing them, but a bystander later confirmed that this was actually the case.

Attention All

A message from interim mayor Millicent Yatkins: Stop using the word "glom" in public. It's foul.

Bregman's Bread: Probably Safe?

None of the bobcats that were living in the abandoned Bregman's Bread factory have been seen for a few days. It's probably safe to go in there now, but there isn't much reason to since all the bread is gone. If you're gonna, just try not to climb into any of the machinery. It's old.

Animal Control has promised to look into the situation, soon as they're done cleaning up the mess from last night's dog massacre.

Droning at Six

Keep your ears open for tonight's droning. It starts at six sharp, and tardiness will NOT be tolerated!

Welcome, Kola Birds

It's a birdwatcher's paradise in Potswell Park today, where pileated kola birds flit from branch to branch, reticulated kola birds build nests from twigs and cicada shells, and nobleman's lovely kola birds enchant all in earshot with their haunting song. As ever, they're joined by the mock kola birds - not birds at all, in fact - which will accompany them all the way to Patagonia, picking off stragglers and helping themselves to the occasional egg. 

You guessed it: the kola birds are here again, having made their way to Waffle Town on the first leg of their journey south. As the sun sets on another summer, birdwatchers and birdcollectors are "flocking" to Waffle Town's plentiful wooded areas, where they will enjoy two weeks (but no more, by law) of our feathered visitors' egg-laying and tree-squatting antics. 

It's long been the dream of many a birdsman to convince the kola birds to stay and become a native species; thus far, no attempts at communication have yielded a satisfactory result.