Waffle Town

Clerical Error at Waffle Center

2008-10-27T04:03:00.002-04:00

70+ days information lost. Mechanical failure ruled out completely. Mayor and Chief Director authorize sigma-class recovery protocol "Zero Canyon", advise cautious optimism.

Night Falls

2008-08-03T16:36:00.002-04:00

Where will you be?

Not in Waffle Town, not in Waffle Town.

Truck Overturns...Accidents Happen

2008-07-30T11:08:00.002-04:00

The Milk Truck overturned on Highway outside Waffle Town (far outside Waffle Town - Waffle Town is PEACEFUL). An accident was caused requiring five cars. No milk was spilled.

Climbing Out of Bed

2008-07-27T04:18:00.005-04:00

Because your bed is a hole in the ground....think about it.

In the Square today:

2008-07-20T22:23:00.003-04:00

- Young Boris sold "lemon ade"
- Young Lawrence sold brownies and cakes
- Officer O'Fernsby stopped traffic for the crossing animals
- Helper dog "Fido" helped his master "Edward Loomis" across the street

The Nightmares of the Children of Waffle Town

2008-07-20T22:21:00.002-04:00

The good people of Waffle Town want only to remove the nightmares from the minds of their children. Doctors have yet to develop a method. How tormented they are, the children by their nightmares, the parents by their guilt, and the doctors by their feebleness of mind in the face of that which refuses to be known.

Clams Upon the Hill

2008-07-20T22:20:00.001-04:00

How did they get there? Did they land there during the Great Flood?

The Hills Are Alive

2008-07-16T00:32:00.002-04:00

...with the sounds of crickets chirping and birds chirping every night and morning in the countryside! Ah, summer!

Signs Are Posted!

2008-07-15T03:52:00.004-04:00

Mr. Hemmings has posted signs for his upcoming "bake-off" at the church. He wants to let everyone know about the "bake-off" and to come and enjoy it. Mr. Hemmings was once owner of Frizzle D.'s department store in downtown Waffle Town, and he was renowned for his kindly prices. Be good to Mr. Hemmings!

Fun "Beach" Party

2008-07-13T13:00:00.001-04:00

Fun party at Mortimer Beach Store...tonight! Beach merchandise will be 1/3 off, and come dressed as beachgoer for x-tra savings!

Mortimer Beach Store located in savings district. Bring entire family for entire family fun.

Surveyor Sees Waffle Town

2008-07-13T12:58:00.003-04:00

Surveyor Tom Jonnings has done his thing in Waffle Town, and declares it "to standards."

Isn't it amazing when the professional men and women are pleased by the geographical exactness of our fine town? Does it not make you happy, does it not help the sun to rise?

Ancient TEXT?!?!?

2008-07-07T04:44:00.001-04:00

I am trying to make sense of this ancient text. Maybe you can help me.

What does "tree" mean?

Announce

2008-07-05T16:51:00.001-04:00

All citizens of Waffle Town - be happy - be merry - party in the town square

El-Chuco Chuco Powerbat

2008-06-29T04:58:00.004-04:00

It is said he dwells in the far caverns. Is it so? Would you dare to find out?
Wise words may await you. Riches, as well. But what dangers? What horrors?

I shudder at the thought!

Lettuce Heads

2008-06-15T15:46:00.004-04:00

From the town of Horgenbath, they come to buy lettuce heads. Fresh and inviting, the lettuce heads sit on Ma Maple's counter, waiting for the hungry consumer and consumerette to pick them up and see that they are worth buying. How they wait. How they wish to be bought and eaten. We would all like to know how it feels to be a lettuce head.

Does Anyone Like the New Lamppost

2008-05-25T04:17:00.003-04:00

Mayor says nobody likes the new lamppost

- not doctor
- not lawyer
- not baker
- not greengrocer
- not mailman
- not construction worker
- not notary public
- not surgeon
- not bookseller
- not scientist

Nobody!

We're gonna take it down, he says!

Nighttime, a Great time, for Fun Time

2008-05-25T04:09:00.000-04:00

Fun time at nighttime, good time for games. Who agrees? Yes, all agree.
Time with family, time to break out fun board game and enjoy yourself...

As World Turns, So Waffle Town Turns

2008-05-17T01:21:00.003-04:00

The sun is shining on Waffle Town. The people are happy in Waffle Town. Won't you join us?

Hurdleberry Family Announces

2008-05-14T15:30:00.002-04:00

The Hurdleberry family wants the citizens of Waffle Town to know...that they love Waffle Town!!!!

It is a great place to be, I agree. Have fun!

Route of Sanchez Lane

2008-05-14T15:30:00.001-04:00

A good place to be on the road. Use your car!

Elderly Crossing

2008-05-10T05:39:00.001-04:00

When the elderly cross a road...help them!!!! GO!!!!!!

SO MUCH NEWS

2008-05-10T05:38:00.001-04:00

SO MUCH TIME

Pluger Street Development

2008-05-10T05:29:00.001-04:00

Pluger Street being developed - news item - important to respect detour set up for Pluger Street. Pluger Street will have:

5 houses
1 ice cream shop
1 mailbox

Apply to live on Pluger Street at Waffle Town Union.

A Contraption...

2008-05-04T21:10:00.002-04:00

Found in the basement of House 55-D, a contraption for the ages! What does it do? What does it not do? Can I learn about it? Thank you for your interest.

Sailing into the Bay, Alone

2008-05-04T21:09:00.001-04:00

The dream of many men.

Into Bakery of Waffle Town

2008-05-01T21:26:00.003-04:00

Here at the bakery we have the ovens to make the bread, and the dough to make the cookies. We have the chocolates and the vanillas, and the sweeties and the candies, and we sell them to the children. We make the cakes and the pies, we make the bread for the sandwiches and the bread for the buttering, and we sell them to people of all ages. Would you like to work at the bakery? It's possible...

Massivo Loco Destructo Destroyo

2008-04-26T01:33:00.001-04:00

Did anyone see the show? Of the above title? In Waffle Town???

WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Enjoy a Life of Leisure

2008-04-18T08:53:00.003-04:00

Your life - is it incredible?
Do you want the life of another? Of course not!
Because you have Waffle Town to live in, it is so fulfilling.

- good streets
- good people
- good sales
- good bens
- good activities
- good community

Yes, all these things define Waffle Town quite well, you agree and are pleased.
Triumph for Waffle Town!

From the Land of Fun - Good Messages

2008-04-18T08:51:00.002-04:00

From "Fun Camp" we receive two good messages of hope for Waffle Town and the children of Waffle Town. 1: Have fun, Waffle Town! and 2: Waffle Town is central to His plan! All right! Thanks so much the Fun Camp and their nice people, who are good to all, haha.

Mr. Mitzwelder's Amazing Machine

2008-04-18T08:45:00.003-04:00

Mr. Mitzwelder reports from his laboratory - he is continuing work on his amazing machine. What will the machine do? Are you excited to know? Mr. Mitzwelder claims it will be important to every home, that it will be necessary to ever home in time. Yes, we are very intrigued by these claims. Yes, we hope to interview Mr. Mitzwelder soon.

Some Say 'Waffle Town is Good'

2008-04-18T08:22:00.002-04:00

They are right!!!

To the Water Tower

2008-04-17T06:49:00.002-04:00

Water is pumped lovingly out of the water tower. It winds up in your sink, your bathtub...don't you understand??? Give your appreciation to the water tower.

Sharon Lovis Finds Letter Under Lamp

2008-04-15T05:31:00.004-04:00

While reading the newspaper this morning, local Sharon Lovis let her eyes wander. Doing so, they fell upon an unopened letter resting motionlessly beneath her living-room lamp. Sharon Lovis could not and can not remember receiving this letter, and she currently refuses to open letter, or to tell Waffle Town news chief what letter contains. This mystery will haunt Waffle Town for the rest of our days.

On Kruger-Vann Avenue....

2008-04-10T05:39:00.000-04:00

A "Bake" and a "Yard" sale will happen today in the after-noon. Do you want to buy bake, and to buy used items from the Yard family? These are the places for you.

Water Men

2008-04-10T05:29:00.000-04:00

Come to install the water today at 5 o'clock

News from the "Post Office"

2008-04-06T05:52:00.002-04:00

Mr. Reynolds-Jackson at the mail building says:

- lots of new mail
- so much old mail
- stamps are full price for the season
- envelopes are ready-made and can be yours today
- no more news

Waffle Town appreciates Mr. Reynolds-Jackson for keeping the people informed.

My Father

2008-04-06T05:51:00.002-04:00

Let me tell you about my father. My father was a wise man. My father was a strong man. My father was a man who scaled many mountains and swam many oceans. Does this satisfy your need, hearing about my father like this? Good.

Fun at Great Heights

2008-04-02T19:32:00.003-04:00

Crowds gathered in shock, horror, and amusement this morning as local man Pote Thampson tried to climb Waffle Tower. When later interviewed, he said, "I thought it would be fun." Well, Pote, we hope you really did have fun, because you gave us quite a scare back there.

Pike Sale

2008-04-02T19:31:00.001-04:00

Don't go to the pike sale

It's a bad deal
We're trying to stop the pike sale. Don't go to the pike sale, please.

A Bad Time in the Square?

2008-03-25T01:26:00.000-04:00

Little Johnny had a bad time in the square. Scientists did not think this was possible. Why did he have a bad time? Where did it all go wrong? What happen? What happen? What happen to Waflo Twon?

When We Find The Bugs

2008-03-25T01:25:00.001-04:00

We burn the bugs.

The Prime Ministers of Waffle Town

2008-03-25T01:22:00.003-04:00

Reggie "Dobbins" Detweiler is minister of Waffle Town Academy
Reggie "Harper" Lonsdale is minister of Waffle Union Associates

This cannot be a coincidence.

At the Docks

2008-03-19T18:36:00.004-04:00

At the docks today, Young Horbus Danielson caught a very big fish. He could not identify the fish, and thus had to release it, as per Waffle Town fishing code. We will never know what type of fish it was.

Daily Race Numbers

2008-03-19T18:36:00.001-04:00

We don't have them. Go look for them.

Slow-Down in Waffle Town?

2008-03-12T19:39:00.001-04:00

Don't frown, Mr. Brown.

Very Much Underground in Waffle Town

2008-03-01T03:40:00.004-05:00

Moles and gophers aren't the only underground residents of Waffle Town, friends. According to scientist "A. Barquentine" our little hamlet is home to a growing population of Salmus siridius - the glowing harp beetle. This interesting creature digs tunnels under the earth, and lays its eggs, and raises its family without ever seeing the surface! Incredible! Its name stems from the bioluminescent ridges that run across its back. Some say it is driven by the spirit-aggregate of thousands of miners who lost their lives in the 1898 Caine explosion. Does this rumbling insect hivemind have sinister plans for Waffle Town? Scientist "A. Barquentine" chose not to comment on the matter.

We Get Crazy

2008-02-29T03:44:00.001-05:00

But only at night, the crazy time

An Amazing Find...

2008-02-29T03:41:00.000-05:00

Animal bones...in the ground...here in Waffle Town! Do you wonder what animal they belonged to? Do you wonder how this animal died? Do you wonder how old this animal was? Wow, the question that we have to ask!!!!

Woobo Town

2008-02-24T20:49:00.000-05:00

Don't believe the lies about Woobo Town. There is no Woobo Town.

The Secret of Manny Flanks

2008-02-23T13:02:00.000-05:00

Manny Flanks has a secret...do you know what it is?

Go to Town Square
Ask for Manny Flanks
Ask what his "secret" is
He won't tell you!

Secret coming soon!

Voyage to Ends of Earth

2008-02-20T08:17:00.001-05:00

Find no town like Waffle Town

We Now Pause for Station Identification

2008-02-18T17:40:00.002-05:00

Very Small Sale

2008-02-17T08:22:00.002-05:00

There is a sale at the Pet Store

It's very small...but it still has big savings!

It is a very small sale on very small mice!!!!! Buy them today, take a mouse home!!!!

$5

Pond & Plond

2008-02-12T09:58:00.000-05:00

Pond & Plond was name of Game Show...in Waffle Town 1995...very popular...yes...

No more Pond & Plond though

Never again

Intense Longing in Waffle Town

2008-02-12T09:53:00.003-05:00

Open up your Waffle Town newspaper...look at the "personal" section. What pain! What misery!

Open your hearts, Waffle Town!

Everything Old is New Again

2008-02-08T20:27:00.001-05:00

Farmer Patro replaced his soil on Old Work Farm
Bob Matherman sold his automobile and has purchased a strong bike
The trees are blooming in Waffle Town!

Mr. Helm Quotes

2008-02-06T04:02:00.000-05:00

Mr. Helm's famous quotes:

"Waffle Town is a fun town."

"When I was a young lad, we enjoyed playing tag."

"Great men across the world are united in friendship."

"This fountain is quite lovely in my yard."

Thanks to Mr. Helm for speaking with us.

Smooth Sailing Ahead!

2008-02-04T03:04:00.001-05:00

Today at Waffle Town Lake there was a SAILING REGATTA involving eighteen participants! For those of you who were not there, you missed great fun!!!! For those of you who were there, didn't you have fun?!?!?!!?

It was a clear day, the sun shining brightly, the birds chirping merrily, and the waters cool and crisp for a nice day of regatta sailery. Fun boats were seen, and there was a race! Peter 'Pete' Flemings, famous Waffle Town sailing enthusiast, was not available, but many brave contenders entered the race, some to win, others to lose, all to have a fun and good time sailing.

Gold Medal - Van Morton & "Sea Goose"
Silver Medal - Ievgeni Pultz & "Queen Mary II"
Bronze Medal - Marjorie Song-Hulimn & "Young Jarvis"

Congratulations from Waffle Town to these fine winners and their wonderful boats!

Do You Like To Make Dollars?

2008-02-01T21:47:00.001-05:00

There is an easy way to make dollars...in Waffle Town!

1. Go to Waffle Town Construction Agency
2. Talk to hire-man
3. Get job, make money!!!! Buy more pies!!!!!

Connecting with Friends...

2008-02-01T21:42:00.000-05:00

Friendship is a strong bond between two individuals. It is important to connect with friends...because friends are good! Here in Waffle Town were are all about friends and friendship. We are all friends. We like one another and are liked. The entire Circle is made up of those who enjoy each other's company.

When I think about friendship...and good people...happiness is everywhere!!!!

Fence removal in Burough Acres

2008-01-28T21:07:00.001-05:00

Fences in Burough Acres are being removed and sent to Waffle Town tomorrow as per Mayor's wish for more fence coverage in Waffle Town...more updates as they come in...Mayor stresses always importance of having fences for proper delineation and control, important tenets of famous "Blue Keel" Protocol 1997 V201...This information brought to you by Hondo Roaster on Fangle Blvd.

Here They Are

2008-01-28T21:05:00.000-05:00

Here are the fun Waffle Town items you asked about

- Waffle Town is good
- South Street Playground still contains small elf
- "Pie Land" restaurant to open in May; will compete with N.O.R.K. Pies for pie dominance in Waffle Town

That's good for now, man???

Good Blokes

2008-01-18T06:06:00.000-05:00

They visit Waffle Town
They went to Mom And Pop Store and buy "Soda Bread" for "Feast"
Reached for comment, they say they like Waffle Town

The Picket Fences of Waffle Town

2008-01-17T11:11:00.001-05:00

In the sleepy American hamlet of Waffle Town, we take things slow. We like to "mosey" down to the general store for our groceries, and we like to say hello to the milkman each morning. This is what it is like to live in Waffle Town, the town of dreams.

Pappy Flanagan Speaks

2008-01-13T22:42:00.000-05:00

Pappy Flanagan spoke to Waffle Town reporter today....he had this to say:

"When I was a young [sic] man, my friends and I would go down to the forest...and we'd pick berries!!! Can you believe it????"

Wow, Pappy, that is exciting! Your news is our news now, thanks.

Here is your fun goat

2008-01-12T01:13:00.001-05:00

Enjoy your fun goat in Waffle Town

heh heh

N.O.R.K. Pies Opens in Town!!

2008-01-02T09:50:00.000-05:00

36 Mapleberry Drive
Next to the old museum!
N.O.R.K. Pies is open now!!!

All the pies you can need....

apple pies
lemon pies
pumpkin pies
lime pies
grapefruit pies
honey pies
delicious pies!!!!!!!!!

Visit TODAY for pies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Waffle Town Song

2008-01-02T09:49:00.001-05:00

Oh Waffle Town
Oh Waffle Town
How lovely are thy branches
Oh Waffle Town
Oh Waffle Town
The circle is such a fun place
Oh Waffle Town
Oh Waffle Town
We are all friends and it's great
Oh Waffle Town
Oh Waffle Town
Waffle Town is the best town!

O Dirgish!

2007-12-30T09:47:00.000-05:00

Here's a fun thing to remember: Waffle Town is having "O Dirgish" festival this month!

Come one, come all!

Many festivities and food will be given all day and night!

Do you want to go to O DIRGISH FESTIVAL????

Flesh

2007-12-27T04:35:00.001-05:00

Waffle Town the place for it
Waffle Town the TOWN for it
Grinning Teeth marleybone and sons open restaurant for the casual eater
We love their ham samwich

Hijack County Merge With Fresh Delight

2007-12-27T04:34:00.001-05:00

Hijack County nearby to be run over and turned into Fresh Delight Source Community via Alberco Industrial and Meyer-Bronbot Logistics

Crazy Old House

2007-12-23T04:15:00.001-05:00

It sits on Honeybird Lane and is quite a sight!

Waffle-O

2007-12-20T06:42:00.001-05:00

Waffle Town named Best Town

Haha

Post...Office?

2007-12-19T03:28:00.001-05:00

That's right Waffle Town man and woman the post office has ALL your supplies for a LOW price! Stamps! Pencils! Envelope! Come to Waffle Town Post Office and feed your need!!!!

Timebat Statue Inscription

2007-12-19T03:23:00.000-05:00

"Here Is Waffle Town
To Honor The Dead
As A Man Falleth
So Shall He Rise

His Vision Binds The Circle
Guide Us
MDCCCXXXII"

"Yeah!" says Waffle Town Mayor!

2007-12-19T03:16:00.000-05:00

He says,"Yeah!" to delicious nougat sticks sold in Yondo Park! Good choice, mayor!!!

HUGE Concrete Blocks!

2007-12-15T22:18:00.001-05:00

They're here...in WAFFLE TOWN!!!!

Each of these blocks weighs over three thousand tons. What an adventure we'll have, looking at them.

Train Schedule

2007-12-14T15:26:00.000-05:00

1, 2, 3

Trains are ready

Bonnie Tarley

2007-12-14T15:25:00.000-05:00

Bonnie Tarley voyages to nightmare town
Waffle Town finds a good man to run it
In the year 3000

Check it out?

Zoonterview!: Gorilla

2007-12-11T19:27:00.000-05:00

I interview the strong gorilla in this piece...I hope you'll like it!

Reporter: Hello, how is the zoo today?

Gorilla: Hello, being in the zoo is bad...I am in a cage!

Reporter: Now, now...at least you are not in the jungle! It's dangerous out there.

Gorilla: That's a rationalization.

Reporter: Moving on...do you like being in Waffle Town?

Gorilla: Waffle Town is the best!!!!

Reporter: Good good.... [we take a short coffee break] Heh, this coffee sure is good...

Gorilla: Yeah...

Reporter: Anyway, I've got to get going...

Come see the gorilla and his animal friends at Waffle Town Zoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Big Time at Waffle Town!!!!

2007-12-10T16:27:00.000-05:00

- Circus was good!
- Everyone is happy
- Mr. Buhop is owning many stores
- Puppy had more puppies in Little Waffle Town
- Bikes for sale at Magee Honer
- Time and sands clinic opening on Rutorer Street
- Crosswalk says hello
- The square is important
- Waffle friends around the world....say HELLO!!!!

Town Square?

2007-12-05T01:18:00.000-05:00

Did everyone leave the town square??? Go to the town square, support Waffle Town!!!!!!!!!!!!

Canned Bake

2007-12-05T01:17:00.000-05:00

The canned bake is being sold at Happerstun's

If you want to eat some canned bake now it is $5 and tastes super great!!!!!!!!!

Get it soon before it "sells out"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Silence Rodeo

2007-12-01T02:08:00.000-05:00

New in town!

All hail Silence Rodeo!

Come at 12 o'clock or 1 o'clock, see great things, get free shirt

Many amazements:

- running cow
- running cat
- floating animals and people
- popcorn served
- clowns also

Everyone, for a good time, go to the Silence Rodeo

Your life will be great then

Lord Turnabod to visit???

2007-11-26T03:29:00.000-05:00

Lord Turnabod of merry Britain to visit Waffle Town???

Will he say nice things about Waffle Town to his country??????

Will he bring them here????!??!?!?!??

Love in Town Square??

2007-11-24T23:40:00.001-05:00

Mindy and Hopper are looking for love in the town square...they eat chocolates and write sweet poems together!!!

We wish them all the best, love and Waffle Town, together at last!!!!

Under the Earth

2007-11-24T23:39:00.001-05:00

He twists and shifts, a spiral of flesh unknown to God

Waffle Town uh oh

2007-11-20T10:18:00.000-05:00

Something bad happen at Waffle Town

it's okay!

New Statue: Timebat

2007-11-16T13:50:00.000-05:00

Everybody like statue?

Everybody like timebat?

Good

Hoopo River overflowing?

2007-11-15T04:17:00.000-05:00

Reports say Hoopo River overflowing

Is this true? Maybe

Hoopo River has a long rich history in this town...it has been in this town for a long time, and was the scene of the Granny Cornheiser Gang raid in 1924

Maybe your grandparents remember!

Happenings...

2007-11-13T05:25:00.001-05:00

- Mr. Joseps gone to the store
- Mayor had a barkley sale
- Underwall Street is now a division of Presco-Horicott Logistics
- Violent wasp management...coming soon to make schools safer!!!!
- A dark cloud forms over posterity
- Writer Beldrick Davies is in town to sign copies of "Hoegaarten Memories"....check it out!
- No bodies found at the quake fire
- Mrs. Coopor had a good flight
- Holidays soon...prepare yourself

New "Ice Rink"

2007-11-12T04:35:00.000-05:00

New "ice rink" open in Waffle Town

Hours 12-10

If you enjoy an ice rink...stop by!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Asstd hog bens at Marina

2007-11-11T15:32:00.001-05:00

The Marina is re-selling hog bens as per demand

Get your self down there and buy buy buy

A good time for Sconus

2007-11-11T15:29:00.001-05:00

Sconus Bagfield, treasurer

Hello citizens of Waffle Town, this is a friendly message!!!! Everything is going okay here at the treasury...we have gold and money here for Waffle Town services.

I have a good time being treasure man of town, I like to look after projects that people of Waffle Town have in mind....Would you say you enjoy your life here? I am helping that happen!!!!

Remember, when a street light needs assistance, or a man or woman needs car help, we are there.

From, the treasurer

Returns for vacation

2007-11-06T19:40:00.002-05:00

Mayor came back for vacation today...He wants to have a great time on vacation...The people say to him hey mayor why don't you do the vacation tomorrow...The mayor says mind your own business people...But is that the right attitude?!?!?!??????????

Uppy Puppy!

2007-11-06T19:40:00.001-05:00

We saw the puppy! It was so much fun!!!!!!!!!!

Deranged man hunting the square

2007-10-29T02:00:00.001-04:00

Police on the lookout for the deranged man

He has heard about the square that binds everyone

You know, the one in Waffle Town!

Ha ha, not the "town square"

Come on, let's go!

When they came to the universe...

2007-10-29T01:58:00.001-04:00

...they were very happy to find Waffle Town!!!!!!!

It's Sunday in Waffle Town

2007-10-28T05:13:00.001-04:00

I CAN FEEL A THOUSAND SUNS COLLAPSING INSIDE ME

Big News!

2007-10-23T20:13:00.000-04:00

Big News - Just got off the phone with Luppy: his wife decided they're gonna buy that parakeet. This is amazing! A parakeet....in Waffle Town! If you're excited, let us know! We'll print it here...in the Waffle Town Herald! Luppy's name for the parakeet is "Grob" and I think it's GREAT!!!!!!